All You Wanted To Know About Developing Self Esteem And Then Some
The most clear definition of what self esteem is, is that it is the feeling of self worth that comes from someone’s positive or negative beliefs about whether or not they are valuable. There are two sides to the proverbial coin, one being the positive side where a person feels positive about himself and whether or not he has worth to others; and then there is the negative side where the opposite is true, the person feels he lacks any worth at all and thinks he is a zero in most folks’ eyes.
Succeeding in life as we know society today, depends on developing self esteem and your sense of self worth in a positive light. Most feelings of self esteem, negative or positive, usually develop from the influences of your parents and how they regarded you as an individual; were you the apple of their eye and thus felt very positive about yourself, or were you criticized all the time for your behavior and called down as a dolt and told you were too stupid to make anything of yourself, simply because they had trouble showing love to you and kept you at arms’ length.
Now that’s some powerful stuff; to grow up feeling that you were a mistake and not wanted by your parents thus producing very strong feelings of negative self worth and self loathing; or being touted as the best thing that ever happened to your parents and given every opportunity to make the most of yourself while being patted on the back constantly and consequently you grow up developing positive self esteem and feeling there is nothing you can’t do.
For some of us, developing self esteem is a large mountain to climb because if we are saddled with a negative self worth, we usually shy away from having or wanting much responsibility in any form, and we tend to miss golden opportunities because we are not actively participating in society so that the opportunities go right on by and we never see them. Many people with negative self esteem tend to have problems with setting and reaching goals, because they feel they are not worth anything, can’t do anything right, so why bother. On the other hand, the person with feelings of positive self esteem is usually an extroverted person who likes to be in the middle of the action; feels very sure of himself, and feels he can accomplish anything he sets his mind to. As a result, these people are actively sought out by others in society which only adds to their feelings of positive self worth and buoys them up even more.
Finding the even keel in our lives is hard for many of us, and developing self esteem can play a big part in that search. One thing to keep in mind is that to develop a positive self image, you must stop talking about yourself in a negative manner because you are what you think and say, and if you tell other people and yourself often enough that you are worthless and a drip, guess what; they start to believe it because you say it so often. Well, stop doing that, and sweep all those negative thoughts about yourself right out of your mind; replace them with thoughts of what you can do well, and what it is that is good about you and concentrate on that. You are just as good as anyone else alive on this earth, you have plenty to offer in areas that other people cannot excel in; so think about that and tell yourself that in the mirror every morning when you are getting ready for your day. Believe in what you’re saying and you can make it a reality if you do it and say it often enough.
In developing self esteem, the first thing you should undertake is to build confidence in yourself and increase your self worth. Take the plunge, and start making decisions over and over again; and soon you will find that there is a little tingly voice inside of you that lets you know when you are on the right track. It’s a little feeling that crops up when you are making a decision about something that seconds the vote for you and says silently to you…”this is the right decision, go for it”. And do what feels right for you, not for the rest of the family or the rest of the world….just what is right for you; and stop trying to please everyone. That is a futile pursuit, and will only help to solidify your negative feelings about yourself when you can’t please everyone; it’s an impossibility. When you do something that turns out to be the right thing, reward yourself for a job well done. You took the first step and you did it correctly, so acknowledge that and pat yourself on the back.
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